Choices That Lead to Success

We all make choices every day. Some choices are small and some choices can change the direction of our lives. We don't get to choose everything that happens to us, but we do get to choose what we are going to do about what happens.

That is where change begins.

We make choices because we are trying to meet a need. We want to move away from pain and toward something that makes us feel better. Sometimes we make good choices and sometimes we make choices that only give us temporary relief. The problem is that temporary relief can become a habit.

People are creatures of habit. Once we get used to doing something a certain way, it becomes easier to keep doing it than to change it. Even when we know a behavior is hurting us, we may continue doing it because it has become familiar.

We may say, "I'm going to change." We may set goals and make plans. We may even have people around us who want to help. But wanting to change and actually changing are two different things.

Sometimes we try to change by ourselves and when we don't succeed, we become frustrated. We start making excuses for our behavior. We tell ourselves that we needed to do what we did just to get through the moment. When someone tries to point out what we are doing, we may become angry or defensive.

But sometimes the anger isn't really about the other person.

Sometimes underneath the anger is fear.

We may feel like we have failed. We may feel weak. We may be afraid that we can't change. We may be afraid that other people will see us differently because our attempts to change haven't worked.

This is when the behavior can begin to take control.

We have been warned by our parents. Friends may have talked to us. Family members may have tried to help. We may know that what we are doing is hurting us and hurting the people we care about. Yet we continue to make the same choices.

Why?

Because knowing something needs to change isn't always enough to make it change.

Most people who are struggling with a behavior don't really want to stay stuck. They want their lives to get better. They want their relationships to improve. They want to feel better about themselves. They want to be healthy and they want to have some peace in their lives.

So what do we do?

We start by making a choice.

We choose to be honest with ourselves.

What do I really want?

What am I doing to get there?

Is what I'm doing working?

If it isn't working, what can I do differently?

Those questions can be difficult because they require us to take a good look at ourselves. But we can't change something we aren't willing to be honest about.

And we don't have to do it alone.

There are people who have been through similar struggles and understand what it feels like to fight against old behaviors. A good friend, mentor, family member, teacher, or someone who has walked the same road can help us see things that we may not be able to see by ourselves.

The right people won't do the work for us. They can't make our choices for us. What they can do is walk beside us, tell us the truth when we need to hear it, and remind us that falling down doesn't mean we have to stay down.

A good mentor understands that they don't have all the answers. They have made mistakes too. Their strength comes from being willing to learn, being honest about their own struggles, and being willing to help someone else while continuing to work on themselves.

Success isn't about making one perfect choice and never making another mistake.

Success is about learning to make better choices.

Every good choice gives us an opportunity to build another good choice. Eventually those choices become new habits, and those habits begin to change the way we think, the way we act, and the way we live.

We can't control everything that happens around us. We can't control other people's choices. We can't change the past.

But we can make a choice about what we are going to do today.

Sometimes the choice that leads to success isn't a big dramatic decision. Sometimes it is simply choosing to ask for help. Choosing to be honest. Choosing to stop making excuses. Choosing to listen. Choosing to try again.

Change takes time.

But every time we make a better choice, we are moving in a different direction.

And sometimes one choice made today can change the direction of tomorrow.