Understanding Who You Are

Take a Breath!

Everyone has an idea of who they are. We may be tall or short, a mom or dad, good at some things and not so good at others. We may be happy or sad, rich or poor, and have many friends or just a few. We all have dreams and goals, and we share some of them with others.

We share our good times and bad times with people we trust, or we keep everything close to the vest because we have trouble trusting others. We all have things we care about and want to hold on to, along with problems we wish we could leave behind.

There is a saying that has always made sense to me: “Wherever you go, there you are.” Think about that for a moment. It is a simple statement, but it carries a lot of truth.

How many times have you wished you were someone else or somewhere else? Maybe you think life would be better if you had a different job, lived in another city, owned a different house, or had different friends. Maybe a vacation with someone special sounds like just what you need to make everything better.

Sometimes a change of scenery is good for us. But if we are trying to escape ourselves, that change may not solve the problem.

The truth is, we take our habits, feelings, and ways of thinking with us wherever we go. If we become frustrated easily, get angry over small things, or constantly believe that something needs to change before we can be happy, those same feelings are likely to follow us. We may find ourselves in a new place, dealing with the same old problems.

The opposite is also true. If we are generally happy, try to get along with others, and don't let every little thing upset us, those qualities will travel with us, too.

So, what can we do to make life better?

I believe one of the best places to start is with ourselves. Instead of always looking for something outside us to change, we can begin by looking at how we respond to the world around us.

Here is one small thing that can make a big difference: take a breath before you speak.

When someone says something that upsets you, your first reaction may be to interrupt, argue, or raise your voice. You may already be thinking about what you are going to say next instead of listening to what the other person is telling you.

But if you stop for a moment and take a breath, you give yourself time to think. That little pause can help you calm down, choose your words, and respond in a better way.

You may discover that you are actually listening instead of just waiting for your turn to talk. And when you listen to someone, you give them something valuable. Being truly listened to is one of the greatest gifts we can offer another person.

Imagine how your conversations might change if people felt that what they said mattered to you. Imagine how your relationships might improve if you could disagree without turning every disagreement into an argument.

This takes practice. You may not get it right every time, and that is okay. When you fall back into an old habit, recognize it and try again. Change doesn't happen overnight, but small changes can lead to something much bigger.

As you practice, you may begin to notice that you feel more peaceful and more comfortable with yourself. You may find that you don't need to pretend to be someone you're not, search for new friends, change jobs, or take a vacation just to feel better about your life.

Sometimes the change we need most is not changing where we are, but changing how we see ourselves and how we treat the people around us.

The goal is not to become someone else. It is to become a better version of who you already are.

So the next time life gets frustrating, remember that you have a choice in how you respond. Give yourself a moment. Take a breath. Think before you speak.

You may be surprised at what that one small change can do.

You don't have to go somewhere else to begin becoming someone new. Sometimes, all you need to do is take a breath!